Final Blog Entry

Well, I figured I'd better sign off now. I've finally found my groove being back at home and am settling in nicely to a daily routine, finding peace with my scattered, unorganized exsistance, and progressing down my never ending to do lists. I have plenty to keep me busy over the next few months and enough motivation to keep me going for much longer. Right now the plan is to stay in Sacramento through the holidays and then hopefully, move either to the Bay Area or to Portland. I guess it all depends on where I can find a job. So please, keep your eyes and ears open for me! Public health, nutrition, journalism, marketing, I'm open to just about anything. Thanks for following along during my journey to 14 countries and 3 continents. It was your encouraging words, your hilarious comments, and knowing that I had a band of supporters at home that kept me going during those tough times when all I wanted to do was book the next flight home. I've uploaded the rest of my photos, so feel free to check them out: www.picasaweb.google.com/dona.j.francis

My email address is: dona.j.francis@gmail.com and as you know, I always love to hear from you! Thanks again for the support and as always remember, Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. What the world needs is people who have come alive! -Sparrowrose Howard Thurman

Adjusting to Life at Home

I've been home for 2 weeks, and all in all, I've loved every moment of it. But today, suddenly things changed. I woke up irritated, pangs of anxiety coursed through me as I thought of everything that I have managed to pile onto my plate. Starting a non-profit, being Emily's college counselor, helping my mom with the impossible task of getting her organized and her finances on track, and of course, running errands for her. I have friends to see, need to start looking for a job, have to organize my photos into a scrapbook, and Monday I start working for Michelle as Mia's nanny. Thing after thing has gone wrong today, and despite constantly working on a project or checking things off of my to do list, I feel like I've accomplished nothing! What I wouldn't give for an 8 hour bus ride and the ability to stare off into the oblivion. I wish I could just zone out in front of the TV, but I have absolutely zero tolerance for TV these days. I get antsy watching movies and lose all concentration during TV shows, I prefer books and listening to music, but when you just feel like zoning, there's nothing better than TV. Being a type A person, one who loves structure and organization, I'm struggling with having no solid place of my own. I split my time between Michelle's and my mom's; half of my stuff still in boxes, the rest scattered between the two places. My room at Michelle's is Michaels and my room at my mom's is her office. I have no where to go that is just mine and that notion alone is what is motivating me to find a job for the new year. I don't want to live this transient lifestyle anymore, I want stability, routine, and independence.

I had a fantastic week in Florida visiting my slightly neurotic grandmother, my mom and Irene. The trouble I anticipated with adjusting to life at home has yet to surface. I've managed to slip right back into life here--sups of morning coffee, driving, shopping, and wine with my mom. Being able to take a hot shower everyday is something I will never again take for granted. Clean clothes are such a luxury, and the sense that I can do absolutely anything I want in life is liberating and inspirational. My mind occupies itself with planning for the future of the Team 100 Foundation, to do lists, brainstorming, and devouring everything related to athletics and running have kept me plenty busy. Despite the market crash, the fiery political contest, and depressed predictions of the future, I have nothing but hope. I am grateful that today I am just 26, and not 66 or 76, and that my financial future isn't tied up in the falling stock market. I foresee a great future for the girls and for myself. I am looking forward to getting home, to seeing friends, and reconnecting with my sister. And I'm excited to start a non-profit, to find funding, and to see this little idea grow into something profound. Something that not only is going to fulfill my lifelong dream to work on a cause that intimately empowers Africans, but something that is going to effect great change to not just a few girls in Tanzania, but for their families, their sport, and their country.

Insomnia in D.C.

Well, it’s 3am and I’ve been awake for 2 hours now. Watching the news, Oprah, and now some stupid movie, but my mind is restless and unable to sleep. I have to leave for the airport in 3 hours and am hoping that yesterday’s lack of sleep will catch up to me so that I’m not a complete zombie when Irene picks me up this afternoon. It doesn’t help either that my stomach is aching in hunger despite the 2 bean burritos, cinnamon twists, and diet Coke that I devoured last night at a grungy Taco Bell. That meal though was perfect…it tasted just as good as I had dreamed it would be!

Thoughts from the Plane

The map indicates we’re somewhere over Eastern Canada, slowly plotting along our 7000 mile course. With only 2 ½ hours to go, the nostalgic harmony of Coldplay wets my eyes with sentiment, with anxiety, with thrill. I can’t let myself believe that I’ll be on US soil tonight, that I’ll get to talk to my family, that it’s all over. I don’t know where the months have gone, or how I’ll adjust to being home. How will this person I’ve become—the strong, vivacious, confident me—hold up among the pettiness, the shallowness, and the consumerism? I worry that the insecurities will return, the feelings of not being good enough, those things that I worked so hard to obliterate this past year. Will the frustration, the tension I so often feel with my mom, Calvin, and sister be any different? I hope I can relate to people. I am not looking forward to having the same conversations over and over, or experiencing the loneliness of being surrounded by too much meaningless excess. Will the needle of my internal compass lose its direction? I’m scared I will start to flounder, that the choices and decisions that once seemed perfectly clear will begin to muddle, that everything I was once so sure of, so excited about will gradually fade. I’ve been so excited to come home and now that it’s so close, the uncertainty is rising in me. Is this really what I want?
Yea, it is. I’m ready to get on with the Scholarship Program. I’m ready to discover who I really am now. To see how this Dona really is different from the girl who flew to Bangkok on a one-way ticket last November. I left fleeing the loss of a person I loved in absolute blind faith, in search of the real me, and in search of a new direction for my life. I think I’ve found both and I’m excited to share both with my family and friends at home. It’s just scary going back to a place I know will not have changed at all, when I’ve changed so much.

I love Doha!

I’ve died and gone to heaven! Doha is incredible, overwhelming, and a land of immense wealth. I was welcomed into a world of BMW’s, chauffeured limos, and Range Rovers. Where futuristic 40+ storied buildings line the shoreline, where every road is paved, and where people are well-dressed. I was taken directly to my hotel, The Movenpick Towers and Suites, by the waiting shuttle. I naively asked the driver, Is the hotel nice?. Yes ma'am, it’s a 5 star hotel, he curtly replied, his friendly eyes passing a glace through the rear-view mirror. During the 15 minute drive to the hotel I couldn’t take my eyes off of my surroundings, my jaw hanging open as we whizzed through the Middle Eastern city obviously created by a country with immense oil wealth. I was paralyzed when we pulled up to the hotel. The Swiss owned hotel greets is guests with marbled floors, crystal chandeliers, and tactfully gaudy gold furniture. The staff expertly took my bags, checked me in, and showed me to my suite on the 9th floor. I fumbled with the magnetic swipe card that acted as a key before pushing open the huge darkly stained wooden door to reveal a grand suite, larger than most affordable apartments in California. The room’s kitchenette was well stocked with complimentary bottles of water, a coffee maker, state-of-the-art table top grill, and all of the coffee and tea I could manage to greedily, and with a little guilt, stuff into the front of my backpack. Further in I was dazzled by a colorfully twinkling view of Doha’s skyline framed by two floor-to-ceiling windows. The goose-down beds enticed me into an evening of channel surfing on the flat screen TV, but not before taking the most luxurious shower of my life. I allowed the soothingly hot water to pour from the waterfall style shower head, unconcerned about the amount of water I was wasting as I used an entire bottle of shampoo and conditioner to clean my hair and the full container of body wash to scrub my skin of the months of built up dirt and grime that bucket showers just never seem to be able to rid you of. I stepped out of the shower feeling one step closer to the realities of home, begrudgingly put on my dirty clothes, and went downstairs to see what my free dinner voucher was all about. I wasn’t even hungry, but I was curious. Curries, salads, meats, cheeses, breads, and a variety of desserts decorated the tables. Suddenly, I had an appetite. I piled my plate with expertly designed salad creations, with smooth creamy hummus, and selections of cheeses from around the world. Macadamia nut brownies, a slice of cheesecake, and a fruit tart also managed their way onto my plate. I can’t remember the last time I felt so satisfied, so strikingly happy, and so full of joy, all because of food. Before I gorged myself too much, I was back in my room and had slipped into my cloud-like bed, called to request a 5am wakeup call, and got lost in the obliteration of too many channels. Animal Planet, BBC, MTV, HBO. I couldn’t decide on anything, inundated with choices, so I spent an hour or so just browsing the endless channels before cutting myself off from the mindlessly addicting quality of TV and cozied into the soft embrace of my bed.

Just as I had laid my head down, the shrill ring of a technologically advanced telephone popped me out of bed, the voice on the other end greeting me in a soothing, sweet, “Good Morning Ms. Francis. I hope you slept well. Breakfast is ready for you downstairs and your shuttle will be here to pick you up in 1 hour.” I packed my things and headed downstairs to a magnificent breakfast buffet—sausage, pancakes, waffles, omelets, fruit (even kiwifruit!) cereals, oatmeal, croissants, and scones—that enticed me into being hungry. Still full from a wonderful meal on the plane and the exceptional buffet from the night before, all I really wanted was cup of coffee, but how could I pass up a spread like this? I helped myself to a few of the lighter selections, slices of plums and kiwifruit, dried apricots, cheese slices and that wonderfully smooth hummus. I enjoyed my breakfast along with a cup of real, drip filtered coffee and soaked up the luxuriousness of my reality. What a world away I’d come in just a few hours. The morning before I had woken up in a bed shared with cockroaches, a shower smelling of urine, and an obnoxious 6 year old wanting to fight me.

Anticipating What's Next...

It’s like I’m in some sort of holding period—jetting off from the developing world, back to the developed. Back to 300 TV channels, paved roads, and more choices then most of us know what to do with. Gone are the grueling 12 hour bus rides, hello to my own private, air-conditioned car. No more shady guest houses or hand washing my own clothes. The luxury of comfort and ease await me, first in Doha and then tomorrow in Washington D.C. I can’t decide if the excitement I feel is for the initial break from bare bones travel that home promises, or if it’s for the known, the routine, and starting a new chapter in my life. Have I cured the wanderlust in me, tamed the free spirit? I don’t think so, maybe just for now. For a week, a month, or even a year, but already I can feel the urge to plan my next great adventure, my next exploration of a world that sometimes seems so small, but also so overwhelmingly huge. I have seen so much this year, grown by leaps and bounds, but still I find myself ever questioning and wondering what the world out there has for me to discover.